House Lion wakes up from her naps with a bit of an appetite. She always comes to me and says “Two-leg, I command you to feed your Queen, because she are pure cuteness”. I speak fluent Awesome Cat — as does Amethyst, who would confirm my translation, I’m sure. Miss Awesome will not check her dish to see if she’s any leftovers from the pre-nap snarfage, but will gladly snarf them after I check for her and tell her that the leftovers are there. I asked her about this, and she said, “Hey, fool, I’m a cat. I don’t speaky de English”. So, naturally, I asked her, “So then how’d you answer my question?”. Her response: “I’m like Jesus, man. You’re making this shit up and blaming me for it. Now shut up and get the brush”.
In case you were wondering about my delusions of interacting with the small mammals I live to serve.
On the non-mammalian side, I found one of these nasty little beasties (or one quite like it) in one of the bathroom basins:
That’s a striped blister beetle. If you’re not familiar with ’em, they’re aptly named. They secrete a chemical called cantharidin which is a powerful blistering agent, and it’s of particular concern to livestock producers because critters that eat beetle-infested hay will be poisoned and may die from it. I suppose that makes it of particular concern to the critters, too. The first one I ever discovered was for some reason under my pillow, and I found it while I was sleeping. With that spot on my wrist once dedicated to checking the temperature of baby formula. Have I mentioned that they’re aptly named?
If’n ya ever wondered what Spanish Fly is, it’s those fuckers, ground. Marquis de Sade is said to have been a fan, which wouldn’t be surprising because it was popular in France during his lifetime. It’s also said he nearly killed a couple of hookers with it, but was “reprieved on appeal”. The author of whatever it was I once read that in said it, anyway, even if no one before him or her did.
When I told Amethyst about the blister beetle, she said she’d already washed the little beastie down the drain once. I was pretty sure we were rid of the thing because I’d cranked the taps wide open in both basins and let them run for a full minute… The unwelcome bug left via another drain when it later returned to the same basin. 🙂
I seem to be awfully murderous lately for a pacifist.