Every Now And Then

I’m still dealing with the manufacturer’s tech support drone about my wacky bluetooth car kit. The guy I’m contending with just ain’t all that bright, but he apparently believes that because he’s the tech support guy and I’m not, I must be just some stupid consumer. Which is a real hoot and a half because it compels him to say things like:

Vehicles are a very different environment and have quite a few more variables than other circuits you may be used to dealing with.

I suspect that the guy thinks an electrical engineer is a guy who tells electricians how to wire buildings. The really funny part is that the device in question is literally smaller than a cigarette pack. Here’s the cute little plastic insert in which the thing was nestled inside its box:tranzit_box

Here’s the same thing with a pack of cigarettes over the hole where the device lived before it came out of the box:
tranzit_smokes

But, since tobacco is bad for humans, maybe this photo is more better:

tranzit_bud

‘Scuse me, can’t type and light my pipe at the same time. Be right back.

Ah, that’s more like it. Now, why was I? Oh, yeah, the cute little toy that came out of that plastic thing and the support drone who doesn’t get that it’s poor form to assume ignorance.

If you’ve ever been exposed to the most basic of basic electronics instruction, you’ll remember Ohm’s Law and Kirchoff’s Laws. If you haven’t been so exposed, they’re pretty simple little things and Kirchoff’s two laws are really just derivatives of Ohm’s one and only law. Our friend the tex port thought it best to explain some stuff at me, so he wrote what one might expect if a student were given an essay question on Kirchoff’s second law. Well, that and some fantastic bullshit, but mostly Kirchoff’s second, and delivered in a manner indicating an air of superiority. Which he punctuated by saying on a new line but not a new paragraph:

Simple Ohm’s Law principles.

Okay, they are. But the stuff he wrote was Kirchoff’s second as explained by a first semester EE student who is failing English, with no reference to Kirchoff’s first. Ohm’s encompasses both so is typically referred to when addressing more than just one of Kirchoff’s derivative. It’s like a kid is standing on the beach pointing at the ocean asking “what’s that?” and you say “Earth”. It’s funny if the kid is of legal age to consume marijuana in a state where it is legal and you’re the same age and in fact you’ve both just done so, but it’s not really the thing to do if you’re trying to talk down to an electrical engineer about basic electronic theories.

‘Cuz I’m a-fuckin’ bag you on that shit every god damned time. In a jovial manner, though, because I’m amused rather than offended by his arrogant assumptions of my ignorance and unwitting exposure of his own. That kind of thing happens pretty regularly with young people, and I actually have fun with it. I just do my incognito thing, let them talk themselves to the limits of their knowledge, and then right when they hit that limit I’ll ask a question that they’ll follow right past that limit like a child chasing a ball out into the street. Then, well, I’m a-fuckin’ bag you on that shit every god damned time. In a jovial manner, though, because…

Looky there. I wrote a circular paragraph. In programming that would be a tail recursion if you’ve got sense enough to stop reading it at some point, an infinite loop otherwise. Check me out on my geek side here. 😀

Now we know why I don’t often blog while high.

‘Scuse me, can’t type and light my pipe at the same time. Be right back.

Ah, that’s more like it. Now, why was I? Oh, yeah… tail recursion.

Don’t feel bad if you don’t get that joke. I don’t get it either, which is why I probably screwed up the telling of it. I figure I’ve got maybe two readers who might get that joke and they’re so seldom seen that neither of them will ever read it. So I’m off the hook! No one will ever know. I done chased that damn ball right out into the street and didn’t get hit by a car or yelled at by an adult. Found a quarter in the gutter, too. Happy days.

I actually did flash back to my childhood there. Boy, finding a quarter was great luck in those days. And, come to think of it, my mother never did yell at me about chasing balls into the street. It must’ve bothered her, though, because I always saw a pained look on her face when I turned around to run back to the sidewalk. But she got over it quickly enough and was always smiling by the time she got around to explaining that one day I was going to get run over and killed.

Oh, hey! You know what I find really cool and exciting about turning 53 here in a few weeks? Oh, wow, you’re way too quick for me. You’re right. Not a damned thing.

53 is like 35, really, only you’re not married to a psycho any more. And most of the statutes of limitation have run out, as have those no account friends who made such things as statutes of limitation important to you in the first place. Or so they tell me. I wouldn’t know about such things. For a few weeks yet.

Now we know why I don’t often blog while high.

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11 thoughts on “Every Now And Then

  1. promisesunshine

    so you have a birthday in a few weeks. how many is a few? there’s a pile of us fine folks getting older in the next little while.
    that’s really all i got out of that. but i haven’t had my coffee yet.

    Reply
  2. sunsetdragon

    Aww yes coffee at not quite 6 am in the morning here while I try to get through to us cellular to remind them I do no thane active phone lines with them and that I have a receipt for the bill they say I did not pay.
    Another reason I went to Sprint.

    Reply
  3. theinfiniterally

    Oh man. Not sure how I’ll feel if you and the comountaineer share a birthday. Pretty sure it doesn’t matter though.

    I didn’t get your joke, but then obliviousness is one of my adorable attributes. Seriously.

    Reply
    1. happierheathen Post author

      It doesn’t matter, guaranteed. My actual date of birth might have been either the 27th or the 28th and there’s no way now to accurately determine which, so if hers is one of those two days we’ll just say that for our purposes mine’s the other. My driver’s license says it’s the 27th so most official documents do, too, but my birth certificate says it’s the 28th so all of my military records say the same.

      Maybe I’ll be like Jesus and just pick a day that coincides with a day of celebration that predates my birth by hundreds or thousands of years. If I go with Halloween, our wedding anniversary, Amethyst could get by just giving me one gift rather than two in that week. 😀

      Reply
      1. theinfiniterally

        Halloween it is then. I always wanted that day to be my birthday, actually.

        Are you saying the Sun of God lies at its lowest point on the horizon for three days and is reborn on the twenty-fifth of December?

        Reply
  4. Roadkill Spatula

    Recursion and the snake swallowing its tail came up frequently in discussions of Wittgenstein and theory-making when I was in grad school.

    Speaking of blogging while high, Terry Southern visited the fiction-writing class I took my senior year of college. My classmates, having seen Easy Rider, were curious as to his views on writing while high. Southern said the main problem is that when you’re high, you come up with things that are so deep and so brilliant… but when you look at them the next day after you’ve come down, they’re drivel.

    Which is not a comment on your blog per se, unless you want it to be.

    Reply

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