I’m Not Naked Right Now.

Ever now ‘n’ then… Read that with a hillbilly accent. Ever now ‘n’ then… shit makes even less sense than usual. 😀

I saw in the nooze that US gubment officials are now officially worried about “lone wolf terrorists”. It might be a knee jerk reaction on my part, but I suspect that making a media splash about it is a precursor to another round of extending the overreach of the police state. First you scare people, then you label anyone who refuses to be made afraid as a terrorist sympathizing, America hating, commie liberal menace to society and all that is good, right, and just. That way many who are not afraid of terrorists will be made afraid of you and keep their mouths shut. It’s a proven tactic, no sense throwing it away just because it’s evil.

I read an article a few minutes ago in which some unnamed individual hiding behind the name “The Associated Press” has penned (well, typed) an article asking the question “Will traffic deaths rise as states legalize pot?”. Be afraid, be very afraid: “As states liberalize their marijuana laws, public officials and safety advocates worry that more drivers high on pot will lead to a big increase in traffic deaths. Researchers, though, are divided on the question.” is the opening sentence. Who are these “researchers”? And should we have fucks to give about the worry of public officials and safety advocates? Probably not. An actual unbiased researcher (if there were one) looking at actual, verifiable facts (of which there are many) would say that yes indeed, there are more people out driving around with THC in their bloodstreams, but no, there is no evidence that traffic fatalities are increasing as a result of it. In fact, in Colorado the traffic fatality rates have fallen very significantly since medical marijuana was legalized in 2001. This doesn’t mean that legalization is right or wrong, but it does mean that unbiased statistical data doesn’t support those opposed to it.

Maybe those opposed should just come right out and say that they’re so happy with the brainwashing they’ve received that we should all be happy with that we’ve each received, and hate marijuana, faggots, communists, and illegal aliens because hatred is a core American value with a long tradition behind it.

Hmmm… Some celebrities are choked because nude photos of them have been released online. To each and every one of them I say: Shut up, stupid. You knew you were a celebrity, that people trade in photographs of celebrities, that there was a camera in the room, that you got naked in front of it, that the camera was used to acquire images of your nudity, and that those images were stored on an internet connected device and then intentionally transferred across the internet to a file storage/backup service. So whose fault is it that your private shit was on an internet connected device? Be pissed off at that person/those people. One of them is you, stupid.

There are no nude photographs of this curmudgeonly old heathen bastard on the internet because there are no nude photographs of my inglorious self at all. I wish I could say that it’s brilliant in its simplicity, but it’s far too simple a thing to be considered brilliant.

Joan Rivers has been in a medically induced coma since Thursday. It’s the longest her mouth has gone without offending people in six decades. I, on the other hand, have only managed to go a few milliseconds since offending people with mine by typing the previous sentence.


I mentioned in my last post that if FedEx weren’t mistaken my new phone would arrive on Friday. FedEx has since copped to having been mistaken and updated their estimated delivery date to Wednesday. Why it should take two more days to get the thing from where it now is in Colorado to where I am in Colorado is beyond me, but I’m not really bitching about it. It’ll be here in time for me to take photos of unclothed sheep just the same.

Oh yeah: Stay tuned for photos of sheep with no clothes on. 😀

My new mouse will also arrive Wednesday, if UPS is not mistaken. They often are. Twice now I’ve had inbound packages go wandering all over the western US for a month or more, going so far as being identified as “out for delivery” in several faraway cities. Why on Earth a package sent from Tustin, California, to Colorado would even go to Phoenix, Arizona, let alone “out for delivery” there is a mystery to me. Fortunately this new mouse came from Baldwin Park, which is near enough to Tustin but in another county, so if the mouse goes wandering it’ll probably be in Utah rather than Arizona. Don’t ask me why, as I just made that up this very moment.

Oh, yeah: It’s a computer mouse, not a rodent, that is or is not out wandering around in Utah on its way here. I’m sure there are actually rodents in Utah, but it seems a safe bet that most of them are not traveling to Colorado today. Also that few would be happy to be grabbed by me to have their bellies rubbed on my desk. I do think it’d be pretty cool to have just one actual living rodent who would hang out on my desk, especially if it could be trained to deposit its fecal pellets in a container for easy disposal. How to reconcile such a rodent’s hanging out on the desk with Miss Autumn’s predatory nature is a thing I haven’t thought completely through at this time. “There are legitimate concerns”, as they say.

In other mundane trivia: I forgot to take the sourdough starter out of the fridge last night so there won’t be any hot homemade sourdough bread here today. Sorry for the disappointment, but you might as well turn your car around and head back home. Blame Amethyst. She’s the one made me brainless last night. None of terrorists, celebrities, cameras, the internet, motor vehicles, Joan Rivers, FedEx, United Parcel Service, Autumn, rodents, computers, or sheep were involved or even consulted.

But there will in fact soon be pictures of unclothed sheep here in my blarg for any of you who are into that kind of thing. I figure there must be at least one.

See? I told you that sometimes shit makes even less sense than usual!


5 thoughts on “I’m Not Naked Right Now.

  1. promisesunshine

    this all makes so much sense, i can’t think of one thing to add to it. oh yea. i was kinda wondering what i missed about new news in terrorism. terrorism sure is big business here in the land of the free.

    1. happierheathen Post author

      But think of how much grander it could all be if that fucking Nixon hadn’t painted us into a corner by “normalizing relations” with those who would later become the last commies standing. For fictional enemies, commies rocked. We got nuclear weapons, squadrons full of giant bombers, stealth fighters, aircraft carriers, and other huge and manly things. All we get for this new and relatively feeble fictional enemy is drones and a few tanks. It’s downright unamerican, I tell ya.


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