Diatribe: DDoS and Dorks

I’ve just spent two solid workdays duking it out with some motherhumbling botnet that’s attacking a server that belongs to one of my clients. The machine is still serving up web pages at a trickle rather than its usual zippy pace, but the data center dorks wouldn’t even answer my question about whether or not we could get a firewall in front of the server. There’s a router there that has packet inspection abilities, but I don’t know if it’s even the one routing traffic to the server. I wish I could dedorkify the data center dorks and get a real firewall between the machine and the internet, but dedorkification is pretty much impossible once the dork reaches age 25.

I guess this is what I get for surviving long enough to get more than three decades of working in my field behind me, eh? I don’t mind, really — a billable hour is a billable hour, and it’s mighty nice bagging those billable hours right here in my home office. It makes me a little bit crazy right in the moment when I can’t get good sense to penetrate a dork’s thick skull, but billable hours baby. The more other people fuck things up, the more I get paid to defuckerize those things. Works fer me!


 

Here’s the big ole dude that’s been mashing down the grass in our back yard and pooping all over it, too, photographed while he knocked around across the alley:

fuzzy_buck

 

The photo is fuzzy because the lens was dirty, but look at those antlers! It’s good that he’s hanging out in town. Hopefully he sticks around until after hunting season so he doesn’t become a wall decoration. I had to mention him because he’s also a D-word, but one that didn’t fit the title well because he’s not part of my dork diatribe. He’s an appendage.

Oh! Another D-word! Dope, as in the smoking of. Doin’ da dank dope, dude. That’s next on the agenda, now that I’m out of D words.

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5 thoughts on “Diatribe: DDoS and Dorks

  1. kaylar

    Billable hours. always a good thing.
    Bucks in the back yard. would that there were some spell to cast over him, to keep him safe, at least from hick humans.

    Reply
  2. theinfiniterally

    wowie zowie. yeah, that’s some rack.

    defuckerizing dorks. whatever pays the bills, man.

    I’d like to hear more of your take on the dank dope sometime. Herbal interest, you might say.

    Reply
    1. happierheathen Post author

      He is quite the macho stud muffin of a buck, eh? Pretty smart, too. He’s been spending hunting seasons in town ever since he was just a little speckled guy.

      The strain I’ve got now is Ogre Kush, which is good but not one I’ll be buying again. It’s an indica dominant hybrid, one I picked up just because I was curious to know if my tastes have changed over the years. They haven’t. I am not a fan of couch-lock. I like a nice, energetic sativa that leaves the mind fully functional even if mildly altered.

      Reply
      1. theinfiniterally

        Couch-lock. I guess that’s what I was wondering about. Energetic sativa sounds perfect, or at least a good place for me to start my research.

        I wonder if the macho stud muffin will pass on his evasive genes to his progeny. We might have a whole new generation of deer that are harder to kill than Steven Seagal.

        Reply
        1. happierheathen Post author

          Last I heard TX was a really bad place to risk getting caught. Six months in jail and $2000 for simple possession, and another $500 for possession of paraphernalia. Yikes!

          We’ve got lots of town deer who stay in town during hunting season, but sometimes a younger buck who can’t acquire a harem of his own in town will venture out into the woods and risk getting blasted. But hunting is a vital component of the ecosystem because without it the herds would double or triple in size every year, destroying both agriculture and forests (eating the saplings prevents forest regeneration, causes erosion, etc).

          Reply

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