BAMF Dreamer

Sometimes I wonder if there’s a web site out there somewhere where BAMF dreamers and schemers can go to find a list of suckers, and where on that list my name appears. It seems that it is my lot in life to be contacted, which is to say accosted, by people who believe that it’s reasonable to ask me to do all of the hard work to make their get rich quick schemes get them rich quick, and that I should be eager to accept a tiny fraction of the got riches for doing it — and happy to accept nothing at all should they never actually get rich.

I’ve got a client of whom I’ve written before who has a business that’s profitable, who occasionally calls upon me to perform some technical wizardry that’s not in his repertoire, and so knows the market value of my time because he pays it. He knows that he himself doesn’t make a habit of giving charity to commercial enterprise. In short, he is one who should be able to appreciate my perspective, which can be summarized as:

But he’s now a BAMF Dreamer. He has this get rich quick scheme, and believes that I should be eager to do all of the work to get him rich quick in exchange for a tiny fraction of the profits. I’ve guesstimated the minimum time I’d have to invest to create the software that would meet the goals he’s sketched out, and what he’s asking me for is a minimum of a $100,000 investment. And he just doesn’t see that as unreasonable because hey, if it becomes a one billion dollar company my 0.75% ownership stake would be worth $75 million. Yeah, right.

He figures, he says, that he can get one million paying customers by the end of the first year of operation. We’re all accustomed to seeing big numbers like that bandied about… but that’s one of every 127 adults between the ages of 20 and 65 in the United States. He’s going to do that with no market research, no marketing plan, no business plan at all, and without showing pitchers of nekkid people doin’ nasty things. He just figures that he’s read some articles about Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, and so a million users is really not all that many. But where’s the web site that a million users are paying to use? Show me that one and if it doesn’t have pitchers of nekkid people doin’ nasty things I’ll consider that maybe, just maybe, it’s not a wholly unreasonable number. Otherwise he’s just pissing into the wind and I’m the one getting wet.

And paying a hundred thousand dollars to get pissed on. Well hell, sign me right up for that!



16 thoughts on “BAMF Dreamer

    1. happierheathen Post author

      Dude, for you I’ll work twice as many hours for half the money. It’s an unbeatable deal.

      Oddly, since I told the guy that I cannot justify the opportunity costs I’ve haven’t heard a peep out of him. I don’t mind, but I didn’t figure him for one who’d just let hundreds of millions of dollars slip so easily through his fingers.

      1. LAMarcom

        Hey! That works for me.
        (now I just gotta come up with ‘That Deal’)
        Guess I could go back into the fictional pot smuggling, but ya know, some dude (I think it was Thomas Wolfe) said, “You can never go home again.”

        I’ll get back to ya!

        1. happierheathen Post author

          It’s safer and more profitable at this time to just get into the legal pot trade in Colorado. Legal pot has stripped off enough of the former black market to take the profit out of it, and growers down Mexico way have given up on *la mota* to grow poppies instead. But I guess it might be locally viable in some ass-backward places like, oh, I dunno, anywhere that isn’t Colorado or Washington if you can find a grower south of the border. Not that there’s a lot of profit in just giving the stuff away for free to storage lot managers. 😉

          Of course, to get into the legal biz here you have to be two years a resident so you’d need a partner who satisfies that requirement. I know this guy, a scruffy old longhair who’s often hard to get along with but has got a good head for business…

  1. LAMarcom

    ‘Not that there’s a lot of profit in just giving the stuff away for free to storage lot managers.”
    Aw Shit! You got me there! Touche!
    Hahahaha! I will just keep feeding you the straight lines.
    Still laughing.

    And… no fun if it’s legal.

        1. happierheathen Post author

          Well, shucks, I’m going back for more if that means anything. The high prices torque my nads, but this is one of those rare cases in which supporting commercial enterprise is supporting the fight for freedom.

                1. happierheathen Post author

                  Yes indeed, it seems to be a thing that needs doing.

                  My longstanding political convictions were brought to me courtesy of and quite unintentionally by the Air Force. Once upon a time I met one who was arguably the most powerful man in the world, but by my estimation not the smartest man in the room. He probably had no idea that by asking the questions he asked of me he gave me far more information than I gave him. Or maybe it was just that I was just a pawn so it didn’t matter. Either way, my thinking was changed and I became a greater misfit than before.

                    1. happierheathen Post author

                      On the up side that means you’re really human. On the down side it means you’re one of an endangered species. The only rational response to that is intoxication!

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