Dip Stick Psychotic Delusion? Nah, that ain’t it. Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. At the moment I’m a-thinkin’ that that’s what I gots. I dunno, though. Amateur diagnoses are best taken with a grain of STFU, but going to the doc didn’t get me anywhere when I tried it two years ago. The doc ruled out HPA (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal) axis and thyroid disorder with all of my numbers being dead nuts centered in the normal range, said everything else was also dead-centered except for some elevated triglycerides, there was no evidence of disease, then suggested that I work on my “work/life balance” and see a psychobabbler. He also said that he wanted to have a look around with a colonoscope, but I told him that my original complaint was phrased as a figure of speech and there was no need to look in there for my brain or the source of its fog.
Be proud of me. I’ve just successfully avoided going off on a rant about the myriad unnecessary and often worthless tests that docs do primarily for the purpose of siphoning some insurance dollars. He recommended a few of them, and I declined.
I set myself up with a perfectly balanced schedule: 3.5 days of work, 3.5 days of weekend. If it ain’t worth overdoing it ain’t worth doing at all, right? 😀 The balanced schedule helped a little bit for a little while, but here I am today with my schedule still balanced and I’m worse off than before. If you’ll pardon the pun, I’m really getting tired of this. I’ve been fighting it throughout my adult life and it’s looking like the right time to call it a lost cause. It’s tougher than I am, or at least tougher than is my commitment to social norms and expectations.
Heh. Commitment to societal norms and expectations. Me. What a hoot! 😀
I blew off the advice to see a psycho-the-rapist. I’m not emotionally or mentally unhinged. I’m just sleepy all day and wakeful all night, with mental clarity being impossible between 5AM and 11AM. In the past when I’ve slept from three or four o’clock in the morning to about 11 o’clock, I’ve had no brain fog, no persistent fatigue, and absolutely no trouble falling or staying asleep. I would awake feeling refreshed and ready to take on my oddball day with gusto. So why have I been fighting this for most of my adult life? It used to be because those who matter most in our culture get to dictate terms to those who matter least. And what’s my excuse for it lately? Dumb as a box of rocks stupidity.
Y’see, Amethyst’s gig starts at 4:30AM and she is very uncomfortable driving in our interesting winter weather, so I’ve forced myself to be on her schedule (as dictated by her employer) even though I don’t work for her employer and she never asked me to try to sync to her schedule. Her work schedule is almost exactly 180° out of phase with my freak circadian rhythm. I’ve been trying to sleep through the second half of my physical and mental peak period and work the first half of my workday during my nadir. It’s made a zombie out of me.
I have decided that this has been well more than quite enough of that foolishness. I made the decision at about one o’clock this morning before my nightly nap began, and the decision looked just that much better when my alarm sounded to end my nap at three-thirty. I’d planned to return home and cop some Z’s but I’m so out of whack that sleep didn’t seem at all likely, so in a couple or three hours I’ll take a nice long nap and assume my freak-normal schedule. The only one who has to like it is me. I’m done playing the social expectations game.
Kinda means I win at it, doesn’t it? 😀