Fucking Jerk!

You may remember my mentioning a while back that I’ve a new client who’s not destined to last for long because he’s cheap, whiny, and tends toward assholery. You might guess who I just got off of the phone with, and who was being cheap, whiny, and assholish. 😦

He says he’s frustrated because he can’t see any progress. Well, Mister Dumb Fuck, writing software is not at all like pouring concrete. When your driveway is half done you can see that it’s half done, but when the meal you just ordered at a restaurant is 99% done you can’t see anything of it. Software is the same way. Just fucking deal with it, and quietly. If I wanted any shit from you I’d squeeze your fucking head.

He says that he might want to terminate the monthly system administration contract because the data center itself offers hands-on system admin. I’ll not mind having one less server out in the world just looking for an excuse to get me out of bed right after I’ve gone to sleep, to steal my Saturday afternoon away, and interrupt my programming work. I’ll also guarantee that the data center people are not going to be performing updates as they become available and necessary, their monitoring won’t go nearly so deep as mine does, and they’ll be quick to find themselves in over their heads and offer up solutions that ain’t. But if that’s the way you want to go, Mister Dumb Fuck, live like you want to live — the discount you get for being a contract customer will go away, and when those guys fuck up you’ll be paying full pop to me anyway. And I’m likely to move a little slower than usual and call it an Asshole Tax.

He says that he’s been in touch with my predecessor who “is ambivalent about the whole arrangement”. Like I fucking care about that clown’s emotional state. There’s a reason he’s my predecessor, after all. And I’ve seen his code, too. He’s a junior programmer at best, and he exhibits all of the hallmarks of one who dropped out of a CS program when it proved to be beyond him. He comments the ever loving shit out of every fucking thing, but his comments are worthless because they explain the obvious without ever hinting at the design decisions that he made to get there. He’s got amateurish mistakes littered throughout his code, and he never checks the returned status codes of his system calls to determine whether they’ve succeeded or failed. I used to know a blind guy who bumped into automatic doors a lot because he didn’t often use his cane and would just assume that the automatic doors opened quickly enough. This guy programs like that guy walked, in the fucking dark.

I picked the wrong day to not smoke pot before noon. 😀

I dunno… I get the feeling that he told me all of that stuff just to passive-aggressively put unwarranted time pressure on me. As I told him on the phone, it’s not like I’ve been on vacation. I hate passive-aggressive people — if you don’t have balls enough to just come right out and say it, then just sit quietly bleeding to death.

Well, shucks. It wasn’t just got off the phone any more. It’s been about five hours now but I’m still bent out of shape. I’m not sure I want to keep the son of a bitch as a client. His money spends as well as anyone else’s, but his douchebaggery is already more than I care to tolerate. He’s not my boss and I’m not his or anyone else’s wage slave. I don’t have to put up with his shit.

This would be a very good time for a lottery jackpot to come our way. I’m just disgusted enough to fantasize about shutting the whole darn thing down to spend my time growing veggies and laughing in the face of anyone foolish enough to believe that money could motivate me.

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5 thoughts on “Fucking Jerk!

  1. southernhon

    Winning the lottery to spend my day growing veggies sounds heavenly to me.
    Sorry about Mr. Douchebag. I have a hard time dealing with people like that. Sounds like he is a power hungry asshole. Sucks that you’re not independently wealthy.

    Reply
    1. happierheathen Post author

      Heh… It sucks that we’re not all independently wealthy! 😀

      It’s been a long, long time since a client got under my skin so deeply, but passive-aggression really sets me off and makes me think in four letter words. I’m really not cut out for this earning a living stuff.

      Thanks for popping by. Long time no see!

      Reply
  2. Roadkill Spatula

    Definitely passive-aggressive. Reminds me of my ex, still bringing her feelings into responses about business matters as if they had anything to do with it. I’m delighted to be married to someone who knows exactly what she thinks and feels and has no trouble saying it.

    If you will have no maintenance contract after you provide your software, just let him know that you won’t be available to bail him out when the administrators are stymied. Get your up-front money and wash your hands of him.

    Reply
    1. happierheathen Post author

      I’m delighted in that same way: Amethyst is always forthright, and her unassailable honesty is a source of comfort for me. I like knowing where I stand without any guesswork.

      I’ve decided that I will soon be done with the guy but I’ve not decided yet whether it’ll be the 28th of February or the 31st of March that’s our last day. I’m leaning toward the 28th, though. I like fast, clean breaks and running away from any problem that lacks the capacity to give chase.

      Thanks for your input!

      Reply
    2. happierheathen Post author

      I’ve done just that, now. I’ll be done with the guy when February ends, and he’s aware of it. Now it’s just a matter of waiting for the freakout that’s sure to come. Rare is the client who gracefully handles being fired.

      Reply

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