Do ya ever see a safety notice of some kind and find yourself unable to stop the words “No Shit!” from leaving your mouth?
Apparently someone at the National Weather Service now feels it important to issue an advisory for “black ice” every time the temperature drops below the freezing point, with the additional caution, “Be careful when walking or driving”. No Shit! Who’d’a thunk that the usual hazards that attend to cold weather might occur in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado?
The additional warning is kinda cute, too. Be careful when walking or driving. It seems to imply that if the NWS hasn’t issued a warning it’s okay to be reckless. Come to think of it, it might actually be good to hang that seemingly nonsense warning on there. Back when our now busted energy extraction boom was just cranking up, a Texican actually told me that he was going to go to court to fight the speeding ticket he got for driving too fast for conditions, on the grounds that the signs said the speed limit was 55 miles per hour, and if 55 is too fast the signs should be changed. I asked the guy if he thought we should just have people assigned to the job of changing the damn signs every time the conditions change. In typical Texican oil field trash fashion he became angry and called me names that I don’t usually answer to.
Though not anything the National Weather Service is involved in, there’s a sign about a mile outside of town advising motorists, “Icy Conditions May Exist”. There’s no way to travel the highways to reach that sign without having been in the Rockies for at least two hours. I guess it makes sense to have it out there turned to face traffic all year, though, as it’s been known to snow here in July and August. Not much, not often, but it does happen. Still: No Shit.
Admittedly, if I were the guy whose job it is to issue weather advisories for places like, say, Tucson, Arizona, I’d probably get fired right quick because they’d be like these:
Chance of rain today. You should stay home because, unlike you, your neighbors have completely forgotten how to drive on wet pavement since the last storm.
Flash Flood Warning. Go ahead, drive into it if you don’t think it’s that deep. We have a pool going here at the weather office about how many idiots will do just that, and I’ve got a high number that’s worth more than two hundred bucks to me.
Freeze Warning. Don’t even think of starting the car this morning if you’re one of those idiots who thinks that antifreeze is unnecessary in Arizona. Please don’t report explosions to the police — they’re just your idiot neighbors finding out about frozen lower radiator hoses the hard way.
High Wind Warning. Be advised that 87% of your neighbors believe that no one else is stupid enough to be out driving in the blowing dust and sand, so will not slow down due to poor visibility. Consider staying home. Also, be advised that your RV is not impervious to high winds just because it has an Arizona tag.
I’d lose my job for sure, but some number of people would lobby to get me reinstated with a fat pay raise. They’d be telling the boss, “He’s the only guy who doesn’t make us say ‘No Shit!’ to every weather advisory your office issues”.