The View From Way Up Here

I’ve decided that if we win the Powerball jackpot tonight the first thing I’m going to do is make onion rings. I really like onion rings and haven’t had any in two years. Two years this month, in fact. Got ’em down in New Mexico, at a place that makes them correctly, from onions they slice themselves after you place your order.

I was going to make some onion rings anyway, but I forgot to go to the market when we were out earlier and I’ve already taken off my shoes.

It sounds crazy, I know, but I ask you: Who doesn’t love a properly made onion ring?

Speaking of rings: I read an article this morning about some cool stuff coming out of the Large Hadron Collider that seems to challenge the Standard Model of physics. Freakin’ cool, and about damned time. It’s no secret that I think the Standard Model is bullshit. I mean, these dorks come up with some math derived from Einstein’s general relativity, and when some observations consistently fail to line up with their equations they just invent stuff like dark matter and dark energy to make the math work again. And they dare to call that shit science.

Speaking of misapplied science: Howzabout that Bronco Bomber madmenistration declassifying some secret shit to pretend they’re being transparent only after some heroic figures leaked it at great personal risk so we knew all about it anyway? Something’s transparent here, but it ain’t the stuff Mister Oh-blah-blah promised. The gubment has too much technology for our own good, I think.

Newsflash: There still ain’t any terrorist sleeper cells here in the Untidy States. But the FBI does still manage occasionally to entrap some witless dolts. I think it’d save more lives if they’d instead find all of the witless dolts and take away their driver’s licenses. We’d end up with about half as many cops on the street, what with so many of them being witless dolts, but getting rid of witless dolts with driver’s licenses and guns has just got to be a good thing.

Speaking of witless dolts: A recent study has again proven that using the cell phone while driving increases reaction times more than having a 0.08% blood alcohol content because, who’d’a thunk it, human beings do not multitask. They task switch, so the time spent thinking about the damn phone is the time spent not controlling the vehicle. Who knew?

And speaking of switching: It seems that our ostracized deer has been accepted back into the herd. That’s just a guess, but she’s not been back since that day when another of last year’s fawns came around and they left together. So, if that’s what’s up, yay for her.

That’s the view from well more than a mile up in the sky on this, the last day of July, 2013, and you’ve just lost a minute or so of your life to reading about it. Sorry ’bout that.

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